Domestic Violence
Khalid Parwez, MD
Domestic violence is a pattern of controlling behaviors that one partner uses to gain power over the other. It includes any kind of physical violence or threat of physical violence, as well as any emotional or mental abuse used to gain control over a spouse. About 90% of all domestic violence victims are female. Nearly half the population of women in Asia have experienced physical and sexual violence at the hands of their
spouse as reported by the UN, in a comprehensive global review of women’s rights around the world in 2009. According to the review, a third of the respondents say that it is sometimes acceptable for a man to beat his wife.1
One woman is beaten by her husband every 15 seconds in the United States.2 The United Nations Development for Women estimated that one third of American women and one quarter of women worldwide would experience domestic violence in their lifetime.3 In 2008, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention published data that found that women experienced two million injuries from partner violence each year. In 1992, the American Medical Association reported that a male domestic partner would assault one in three women in his lifetime.4 Domestic violence is not only physical or sexual, but also psychological.5 The batterer uses a series of behaviors, for example, intimidation, threats, psychological abuse, and isolation to control his spouse.6
Several health conditions are the result of physical violence.7 Studies have demonstrated the impact of violence through stress to the immune system, for example, Fibromyalgia, Irritable Bowel Syndrome, gynecological disorders and pregnancy related difficulties.8 Domestic violence is also associated with a number of psychological consequences such as anxiety, depression, suicidal tendency, low self-esteem, inability to trust, symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder, emotional detachment, sleep disturbance and flashbacks.9 When there are outward physical signs such as bruising, a victim often lies to acquaintances out of embarrassment. It is in everyone’s best interest to be supportive of the victim of domestic violence. Support organizations should always be compassionate and prepared to help the victims.
In 750 BC, during the reign of Romulus in Rome, wife beating was acceptable under “The Laws of Chastisement.”11 These laws permitted the husband to beat his wife with a rod as long as its circumference was no greater than the girth of the base of the man’s right thumb, hence “The Rule of Thumb.”10 In 300 AD, the Roman Emperor, Constantine the Great, had his wife burned alive, when she was no longer of use to him.12 The Christian Church transcribed rules in support of wife beating in marriage.12 In 1500 AD, Lord Hale, an English Jurist, set the tradition of non-recognition of marital rape. He stated that when women married, they gave themselves to their husbands in contract, and could not withdraw that consent. This was the basis of “The Contractual Consent Theory.”12 Early settlers in America based their laws on old English common-law that explicitly permitted wife beating for correctional purposes.13 During the reign of Ivan the Terrible in Russia, the State Church sanctioned the oppression of women by issuing a Household Ordinance that described when and how a man might most effectively beat his wife.14
In 1837, with Queen Victoria’s ascension to the English throne, lawmakers began enacting reforms regarding women. In 1871, Alabama was the first state to rescind the legal right of men to beat their wives.14 In 1919, American women won the right to vote13 and in 1945, the state of California declared that a husband who inflicted corporal punishment upon his wife, was guilty of a felony.15 In 1970, “We will not be beaten,” became the mantra of women across the country to end the domestic violence.5 In 1975, Most U.S. states allowed wives to bring criminal action against a husband who inflicted injury upon them.13 In 1981, the Chief Justice of Nevada closed its courts for one day to send judges to domestic violence training.12 In 1990, the Immigration and Naturalization Service (INS) began to recognise domestic violence as grounds for asylum in the U.S.12 In 1992, the American Medical Association released guidelines for doctors to screen women for signs of domestic violence.12 In 1993, the United Nations recognised domestic violence as an international human rights issue and issued a Declaration on the Elimination of Violence Against Women.12
Beautiful
Teachings Of Islām
It is not uncommon to have family disputes. Islām has provided real-world guidance for conflict resolution. Islām also advocated equal human rights for men and women, 1400 years ago.
Guidance from
the Holy Qur’ān
“The women have rights similar and equal to those of men over them in equity.” (2:229) “Men are providers for their wives (and families), because Allāh has bestowed more on some of them than others and because they spend from their wealth. Virtuous women submit (to God) and protect what Allāh has commanded to protect. And those, from whom you fear ill conduct, advise them and leave them alone in their beds and cite them to the authority. Then if they agree, do not pursue (the matter) further. Surely, Allāh is High, Great.” (4:35 - Translation by Dr. Lutf Rahmān)16 He further stated that beating is a punishment. It is not an inducement. If we allow husbands to beat their wives on suspicion of infidelity or for any other reason, it would effectively mean that husbands are the accusers, the judges and furthermore the executioners of the punishment. No sane person can accept this type of logic in any system. We should not accuse the Holy Qur’ān of advocating this type of thinking.16
The first step to resolve conflict is to talk and try to resolve it with each other. The next step to conflict resolution is to suspend marital relations in order to appreciate its impact on the personal relationship. If this fails, the next step is mediation through prudent workforce in accordance with the righteous code of conduct. If this also fails, then in the interest of justice, legal separation or divorce may be the next step to resolve the conflict. At any point, if one party is permitted to physically beat the other party, it is tantamount to domestic violence and becomes crime under law in most of the civilized societies. Wife beating does not resolve any conflict between husband and wife. Wife-beating can never be considered a strategy of conflict resolution in any developed society.
Guidance from the Holy Prophet Muhammadsa
The Holy Prophetsa brought a grand teaching in order to establish respect and honour for women 1400 years ago. When we observe the life of the Holy Prophetsa, we can appreciate that he was true to his words. He specified, “I am the best among you in treating my family.” At home, he would laugh and exhibit a cheerful personality with his family. He would joke with his wives and comfort them. He would help with household tasks. If one of his wives was preparing flour, he would pour water for her. If food was being cooked, he would add wood to the fire. He would take care of the household matters without hesitation. He was the most tender of men and the most kind.
The Holy Prophetsa declared, “the best among you is he who treats his family the best.” (Mishkāt Bāb Ahsān Al-Nisā’) In his Hajjatul Widā (the Farewell Sermon), the Holy Prophetsa instructed, “I advise you to treat women well—It is your responsibility to take care of them, fulfill their needs and necessities. He further instructed, “The best among you is he whose treatment towards his wife is the best.” (Jām`i Tirmidī, Kitāb ar-Radā) He further stated, “A believer must not have hatred or enmity with his wife.” (Sahīh Muslim)
Guidance from
the Promised Messiahas
The Promised Messiahas considered his wife, Hadrat Sayyeda Nusrat Jehān Begum sāhibara a blessing of Allāh and took special care of her. He never had a domestic dispute with her. He would never complain. The following are quotations from the Promised Messiahas. One important saying is, “I see a person who fights with his wife as a coward and completely unmanly.” (Malfūzāt, Vol. 2, pg. 387) He also said, “Aside from lewdness, a husband should tolerate all other weaknesses of women.” Another one of his sayings is, “We consider it very shameful that a man fights with a woman.” (Sīrat Hadrat Masīh Mau’ūd, pg. 400) The Promised Messiahas has also said, “A person who is not compassionate and benevolent in the treatment of his wife and her relatives, does not belong to my Jamā`at.” (Kashtī Nūh, Rūhānī Khazā’in)
Guidance from Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh Ira
“Approach your wives with benevolence. A wife bears great hardship to have and raise children. Ensure their rights. Close your eyes to their faults. Allāh, the Exalted will grant you rewards.” (Friday Sermon, June 9, 1911, Khutbāt Nūr, pg. 499) “The women have rights similar to those of men over them. There should be great love between a man and woman, through which a believer’s home may resemble heaven.” (Nikāh Sermon, February 5, 1910, Khutbāt Nūr, pg. 457) “Those who do not treat their wives well, act against the Holy Qur’ān. The only reason I do not expel such men is perhaps they may understand. All such men should pay close attention.” (Eīd ul-Fitr Sermon, October 15, 1909, Khutbāt Nūr, pg. 422)
Guidance from Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh IIra
“Men and women are both equal before Allāh, the Almighty…A man should not marry with the intention of having a wife to serve him.” (Khutbāt Mahmūd, Vol. 3, pg. 535-537) “If a man breaks the commandment of Allāh, then the woman will be much greater in the sight of God Almighty than the man.” (Ournī Wālyūn Kay Lia Phūl, Part 1, pg. 4) “The Holy Prophet’ssa wives would admonish men when they were wrong about matters. Hadrat `Aishara would give lectures on the Holy Qur’ān, which men would also listen to. There were also women who would teach men.” (Ournī Wālyūn Kay Lia Phūl)
Guidance from Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh IIIrh
During his tour of Germany, Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh IIIrh said, “It is written in the book, that women have the same rights as men do. On account of being human, and in terms of human rights, there is no difference between men and women, in fact they have equal ranks. In actuality, by giving them equal ranks, Islām has defined their mutual rights. According to Islām, women maintain an equal rank as men as far as their humanity is concerned.” (Dawrah Maghrib, 1980, pg. 52-53)
Guidance from Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh IVrh
Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh the IVrh wrote, “There is total equality and there is no difference whatsoever between the fundamental human rights of women and men. For women there are exactly equal rights as for men, as men have rights upon women.”18 He further stated, “If corporal punishment had been allowed, there would have been at the very least one example of such a case in the life of Holy Prophetsa with his wives.” (Footnote, Sūrah Al-Nisā’ verse 35, Urdu Translation of the Holy Qur’ān by Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh IVrh, pg. 134-135) “Husbands often play a big role in corrupting the paradise of their home.” (Friday Sermon, November 24, 1989) “The greatest factor in all internal disputes which arise in the Jamā`at or in a relationship between two individuals (aside from lying)—is that men do not speak in a soft manner. Their speech is found to be harsh. Their words and approaches inflict pain. At times, they are not even aware of the pain they cause, just as thorns can cause injury and are unaware of what they do. If this is how men are, then unfortunate women will always remain targets of their misconduct.” (Friday Sermon, November 24, 1989)
Guidance from Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh Vaa
“Some men subject their wives and children to such cruelty that it is enough to shake one’s soul.” (Khutbāt Masroor, 2003, pg. 271-272) “Be kind to your wife and take care of her. Usually it is the man’s side, which acts unjustly. Husbands should not be harsh in dealing with trivial matters nor should they be rude to their wives.” (Jalsa Sālāna Germany, August 20, 2004) “The responsibility of men is to establish a virtuous example, so that their wives and children do not point fingers at them.” (Address to Lajna Imāi’llāh Canada, June 25, 2005)
On April 1, 2011 Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh Vaa stated, “The purpose of the Promised Messiah’sas coming in the second advent of Islām was so that people can strengthen their relationship with their Creator and while upholding the rights of their fellow beings, establish an unparalleled society. Every Ahmadī family life should be an example for others. Small matters should not have an effect on the household environment. Develop tolerance and make your environment full of peace. Make use of prayers to resolve your problems. If every Ahmadī has supplications, righteousness and taqwā as their foundation, then will they Insha’Allāh be granted a blissful domestic life.
References:
National coalition against Domestic Violence
Women and Violence,” Hearings before the U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee, August 29 and December 11, 1990, Senate Hearing 101-939, pt. 1, pg. 12
Uniform Crime Reports, Federal Bureau of Investigation, 1991
When Violence Hits Home. Times. June 4, 1994
Bureau of Justice Statistics Crime Data Brief, Intimate Partner Violence, 1993-2001, Feb. 2003
National Institute of Justice, NCJ 181867
Breiding, Black, and Ryan, 2008
Crofford, 2007; Leserman and Drossman, 2007
Bergen 1996; Coker et al. 2002; Heise and Garcia-Moreno 2002; Roberts, Klein, and Fisher 2003
Dobash, R. and Dobash, R. (1992). Women, violence and social change. New York: Routledge.
Heinemann, Sue (1996). Timelines of American women’s history. New York: A Roundtable Press Book/Perigee Book
Lemon, Nancy (1996). Domestic violence law: A comprehensive overview of cases and sources. San Francisco, CA: Austin and Winfield.
Martin, Del (1976). Battered wives. New York: Pocket Books
Schechter, Susan (1982). Women and male violence. Boston, MA: South End Press
Slaughter, Ruth (year unknown). While Ruth was at Haven House. Pasadena, CA
Sproul, Kate (1996). California’s response to domestic violence. California Legislature, CA: Senate Office of Research
Status of a women in Islām, Dr. Lutf Rahmān, May-June 2011 Ahmadīyya Gazette USA
Islām’s Response to contemporary issues by Hadrat Khalīfatul Masīh the IVrh
This article was published in Jan 2012 issue of Ahmadiyya Gazette Canada
